penis town 2 low res


Tumbleweed on the main street

And drunks abound

Another Sunday afternoon

In penis town


Two pubs and a co-op

Green, blue and brown

Open all hours

In penis town


A ghostly man hangs out of a window

Looking up and then down

He returns to drilling plaster

In penis town


Cock-topped tollbooth, slim shaft cross,

standing stone with bulbous crown

The past re-created

In penis town


Blue pain road splatter

Graffiti down town

Dog shit collectors

In penis town


Cyclists pause by the stone

They dismount with a frown

One of them goes shopping

In penis town


The stone drips efflorescence

A sickly white gown

Wrapped around its girth

In penis town


The mighty shaft leans

Like a megalithic clown

Crying tears of laughter

In penis town


Grey skies and grey stone

Grey tarmac on the ground

Blue plastic bag man staggers

In penis town


High Street, Main Street

Adjective and noun

Tracing words with your feet

In penis town


Passers-by glare at the stone

Pacing round and round

Nothing new to see here

In penis town


Tumbleweed on the main street

And drunks abound

Another Sunday afternoon

Always penis town


(c) Crown Copyright RCAHMS image number DP00203
(c) Crown Copyright RCAHMS image number DP00203


Facts and figure

1. The Stone of Mannan, or King Robert’s Stone, is a composite standing stone consisting of a single whinstone boulder connected to a tall megalith by an internal metal support and external mortaring.

2. It is located in Main Street, Clackmannan, the county town of Clackmannanshire. Clack Mannan means the Stone of Mannan

welcome sign low res

3. It has NMRS number NS99SW 6 and National Grid Reference NS 9111 9188.

4. There main component of this megalith, the upright standing stone, is apparently little more than a 19th century sourced plinth which support the really old bit, which is the smaller stone on top – the actual Stone of Mannan.

The Stone of Mannan being played with in Celtic times (detail from noticeboards that used to stand next to the Stone)
The Stone of Mannan being played with in Celtic times (detail from noticeboards that used to stand next to the Stone)

5. It has moved at least once, in 1833, from the preposterously named Lookabootye Brae (this is Scottish for ‘Look About You Steep Road’).

6. In 2005, The Times reported: ‘A plan to move an ancient phallic stone said to contain the spirit of a Celtic god has been abandoned by councillors after locals threatened to stage a sit-in around the monument. Councillors confirmed last night that they had shelved a proposal to shift the Stone of Mannan just five yards from its site in the Scottish town of Clackmannan after furious opposition from local women’.

7. On March 26th 2006 The Daily Record claimed: ‘A giant stone penis is to be repaired at a cost of more than £160,000. Work starts today on the crumbling 2500-year-old Mannan Stone, which stands on a plinth in the centre of Clackmannan’

8. Conservation and consolidation work was carried out by stone conservators NBSC in 2007, the work consisting of: ‘Removal of ferrous fixings and OPC mortar, structure consolidation of subjects. Removal of biological growth, salt efflorescence, impact damage residue. Replace ferrous dowel and treat oxide jacking, treatment of plaque fixings, and treatment of delamination’.

9. A plaque on the tollbooth wall beside the standing stone reads: ‘The stone of Clack, originally placed at the foot of Lookabootye Brae, was sacred to the pre-Christian deity Mannan and is a unique relic of pagan times. It was raised on the large shaft in 1833’.

placque low res

10. This is a monument that has suffered confusion and indignity. But after all these years, after all the maltreatment, it remains erect.

graffiti low res

Sources and acknowledgements: there is further information on the Stone from the local Community Council webpage. There is also a lot of detail about a proposed project by Andrew Gryf Paterson available from this website but I am not sure if this came to anything. But it is fun. And powerpoint slides on that website are the source of the sketch of the Stone of Mannan in Iron Age times, which itself came from noticeboards that used to stand next to the Penis Stone. The RCAHMS copyright image is a drawing by J Drummond from 1861, part of the Society of Antiquaries of Scotland collection.






Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s